Marriage Diaries: What’s in a name?

A woman getting married is often expected to change her last name to that of her husband’s. This is of course increasingly, lesser and lesser the case, but there are enough and more instances to suggest that it does happen. As someone who tied the knot a little over a couple of months ago, the nuances of a potential name change are dawning on me only now.

There are some really practical reasons not to change the name. Think of all the paperwork involved. It is painful enough to fill forms, stand in sundry ques for submissions of papers at government offices and follow up on them for necessary work. Sure, you might outsource a lot of this work to a reliable agent, but if there isn’t one to be found, that is an additional hassle. Add to that the purely self-created work of a name change. It’s a hassle best avoided.

Second, if you are getting married any time after the early to mid-twenties, chances are you have already created an independent identity for yourself. And this is not just in terms of work, though that may well be, but also in terms of creating a life for yourself outside of pre-determined social setups you are born in . Your name thus acquires the stamp of your own unique identity, in addition to that, which you were born with. Parting with that, thus, becomes a careful personal choice.

Last, but certainly not the least, is the question of submitting to a form of patriarchy that has outlived its purpose. A name change reflects an assimilation into the husband’s family, as the woman leaves her father’s family behind. In times of nuclear families, independent individuals and often limited family interactions (compared to living in joint families), the notion has run its course.

And here’s where the interesting part starts.

We are now in a transitory phase, where you can, increasingly, either adopt your husband’s family name if you so choose to do so, without judgement, or change it, without judgement either. And there are some good reasons for the latter as well.

It can add to a family feeling for you as a couple if you have a common name, and even though it is not the most important aspect, can in its own way contribute to you feeling more as a single unit. And you don’t need to lose your identity either, but simply add another last name to your existing full name. It might also save you any needless explanation about your marital status, that can often come up in professional situations you least expect it to.

In any case, the choice, is more in your hands now than ever before. And what could be better than that.