One minute you have it all, and
the next minute it can all dissolve in a flash. Sometimes life is like that. But
nothing can take away from the experience of a life of love. Today’s story is
one such example.
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“I lost my father when I was 4
years old, but my mother and brothers never let me feel any kind of loss — I
was always pampered and treated like a princess. I’ve never known my father,
but I found a father figure in my father in law at the age of 21 when I got
married. It was an arranged marriage, but there was so much love between us, it
was like we had known each other for many lifetimes. I never once felt like I
had entered a home that wasn’t mine — since even before we were married my
in-laws made me feel like I was their daughter.
My husband…where do I even begin?
He would randomly surprise me with flowers and gifts, without any reason.
Sometimes I used to think that I loved him too much — I felt silly almost.
Women usually love going to their mother’s house for a few nights here and
there, but I remember every single time I would go to my mother’s house I
couldn’t wait to go back home because I missed him — I was beginning to think I
was crazy! But this one time when I was staying at my mother’s house, he called
me and said ‘I’m picking you up, I’m waiting downstairs— we’re going out on a
date! And there he was waiting for me with flowers!
During my pregnancy he has
understood every craving of mine and even if I’ve wanted something ridiculous
at 3 in the morning— he has made it happen — I felt like a baby myself…that’s
how well he’s treated me. When our son was born we were ecstatic — both the
families were thrilled! On his first birthday, my husband and I both had tears
in our eyes because we couldn’t believe that we had created something so
beautiful and because we couldn’t wait to watch him grow up.
Life changed when I lost my
father in law to a heart attack. I never cried on losing my father because of how
young I was, but losing my father in law was devastating. Within 6 months we
lost my mother in law as well…and that period was a dark one in all our lives.
My husband’s health deteriorated, but it was somewhere around that time that I
realised I was pregnant again…and after a long time we had something to look
forward to.
During my entire pregnancy, my
husband remained unwell — he went for checkups and tests almost as often as me,
but kept saying everything was okay. The day I delivered our daughter, he held
her in the hospital for a few minutes and immediately left. After that he never
came to see me while I was in the hospital, and whenever I asked for him I got
vague replies — it was only once I was discharged and at home that they told me
he had been hospitalised because of liver failure. I didn’t know how to react…I
was desperate to see him but I wasn’t allowed to. They kept telling me he would
be okay, and the last time I spoke to him was on the phone. He murmured
something and I wasn’t able to understand his words, except the words ‘I love
you’ I had no clue that he was in the ICU at that point and within a few hours
he passed away.
There’s no amount of words that
can tell you what it feels like to lose the one person in the world who is your
other half— your best half. There’s no moving on from something like that…with
time you stop crying but no matter what you do you’re always the half of a
whole and that’s how I feel without him every single day.
My entire family is full of love
and support — my children are amazing but everyday I’m trying to play his role
as well as I can. Every time I have to take a decision, I think of what he
would have said to our children. So that’s the irony of my life I guess— 12
years with him has given me enough love for a lifetime, but given a choice even
one lifetime with him wouldn’t be enough.”
The story first appeared in Humans of Bombay
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