When sex talk goes all wrong

That women have to face unwanted sexual innuendos often enough, is well known. There is something about our social behaviours that allows some men to think it is ok to be sexually inappropriate. Though it is likely that those who are in fact sexually inappropriate do not see themselves in quite the same light as the persons they are engaging with, an increasing number of women are drawing the line for themselves.

No inappropriate speaking or touching is tolerated for very long. A general conversation on the subject of sex, is not the same as insisting on knowing about your sex life or vice versa. Similarly, an appropriate touch is instinctively different from an inappropriate one. So chances are, that an out of line behaviour once might be ignored, it might be ignore twice, but a third time will definitely be called out. Today’s story is one such case. Hopefully there are lessons learned. The identities have not been revealed given the sensitive nature of the subject.

But given that this is a still very much evolving subject, there needs to be far more open discussion and debate on it. Therefore, after reading this story, we would encourage you to share your perspective on how to best deal with these situations.

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She was a lovely 24 year old, he was a much older, married, family man. They first met at a friend’s party, where they exchanged pleasantries. As is customary these days, they later became facebook friends. The party host, their common friend, later called to ask her whether he had behaved in an untoward manner. She was puzzled, and said no, he was perfectly alright with her. To which, the host responded and said that the reason for asking is that there have been some such happenings in the recent past.

That was that, all was forgotten, and he quickly got buried under the deluge of her daily facebook posts. Until one day, two years later. He popped up on facebook chat, and after exchanging their hellos, the conversation quickly degenerated into a sexual one. He asked her about her sex life, to which she did not respond in any favourable manner whatsoever, but he continue to tell her about his sexual desires. Including, how he finds her attractive, and the only reason he did not pursue her when they first met was because she was already in a relationship.

The lady in question did not budge very much from her original stance of zero interest through the conversation. At which point, the man in question started getting seemingly agitated and defensive. He went on to mention how one needs to keep an open mind about sex and that he has an open relationship. Apparently, his wife is fully aware of the fact that their respective levels of desire vary significantly, and she is fine with his fulfilling his requirements elsewhere.

The lady now expresses her opinion that she believes marriage should be monogamous, and how she does not appreciate his ideas, irrespective of whether his wife approves or not. She tried to end the conversation a couple of times, but he got increasingly adamant, finally asking her if she knew whether her father was always faithful to her mother or the other way around.

At this point, the lady in question lost her cool. She took a screenshot of the conversation, and posted it on her facebook page. Needless to say, it was commented upon extensively and shared as well. The man was desperate. He asked her to take it down and be more mature. Ultimately, he reported a violation of privacy to facebook. Facebook removed the post, saying that it is inappropriate to ‘Bully the bully’. Back and forths ensued, but she did, ultimately get him to make a public apology in exchange for removing any other screenshots on social media, in this case twitter. And that was the end of that matter.

Recently, the Indian President’s daughter, Sarmishtha Mukherjee, went on record with a similar story. She outed the fact that she was being harassed on facebook, and that it was important for women to speak up about it, so that more get the courage to do so.

Both these stories tell us something: that massive changes in our social consciousness are afoot. And we are all part of the process of making these changes happen. The challenge is now to ensure that the maximum progress is made, with least amount of blood spilt, metaphorically speaking.

What are your ideas, dear readers?