Modern day marital issues: Familiar, but personal

She spilled her heart out over what seemed like a new and exotic summer latte concoction at a popular coffee shop yesterday. I was an inadvertent eavesdropper to the entire conversation. The sun was high and the buzz at the shop was low, at that hour of the Delhi heat. The conversation flowed to me, clear, audible and in all its unfortunate reality.

I had decided to work from a coffee shop yesterday, which I do occasionally. And if you have ever worked out of a coffee place, you know that despite best attempts, you get to hear snatches of a range of conversations. Rarely, however, do you get to hear an entire story. Except this time.

The lady in question, had decided on a legal split from her (not-so) better half. She was facing a series of issues in her partnership, which she laid out to her friend, who lent a sympathetic ear all that while. As a bystander, even though I felt for the young lady, the conversation sounded familiar.

And that was, because it was indeed familiar.

Not to belittle her very personal battle.

But our generation’s marital and more generally partnership challenges are very alike, stemming, significantly, from changing societal conditioning of women. And therefore, it is no wonder, that one issue that always comes up and stands out is the lack of support from the partner. Women increasingly feel that men are not invested enough in their lives, to the extent of being way too self-absorbed. This can range anywhere between the woman feeling that she has to take up more than her fair share of household plus career related work, to feeling that she is a check in the guy’s life’s to-do list.

I think there is a specific reason why this is happening: a lot of men are brought up witnessing women in supporting roles. They might be the nicest, kindest guys, but that’s just what they see and witness and subsequently come to expect. There are an increasing number of exceptions to this of course, but they still tend to be exceptions. Women, on the other hand feel greater need for personal support, and don’t just need support to run the house.

This is a sign that the times, they are changing.

And while many couples do in fact, go through with the splits, a surprisingly large number of them actually make it work. And this is despite the fact that it did not seem like they had a chance in hell. Which is a good sign, actually, suggesting that at some level both partners decide to make the required adjustments and make it work. Perhaps this is how it has always been, and this is how progress keeps getting made overtime. And I truly hope that the lady from the coffee shop, finds her progress, no matter which way she decides to go.